It's been two weeks since Malachi David Pattengale entered this world. I guess it's finally time to re-enter the blogosphere and tell the world.
So. We'll start at 7:30 am on Thursday, October 27. I got home from work and got into my warm, cozy bed and snuggled up to my warm, cozy husband and said "Goodnight." (Oh the bliss of coming home to a warm bed and man!) I woke up around 3:30 that afternoon to spend some time with Josh before he left for the evening- he was going to a guys night at a friend's house. At least, he thought so. During a round of Gin Rummy, I once again started having contractions. These have been starting and stopping (most annoyingly) for the past week. We started timing them at 3:42. I know the exact time because we wrote down the contractions and I still have the paper on the fridge. It's one of those things that I just can't throw away. They were about 8-9 minutes apart consistently- strong enough that I'd stop playing and breathe through them, but not really painful. After an hour, I got irritated so I pumped with my milk pump for about 20 minutes. That brought my contractions to every 3-4 minutes. After an hour of these contractions, I decided to take a shower. (I didn't want to go to the hospital even though the timing and length of the contractions were appropriate- since I work in the Birthing Center I didn't want to be sent home from triage for false labor. Mortifying.) After my shower we waited another hour of contractions every 5 minutes before I called the midwife to let her know what was going on. She said I could do whatever I wanted, so I packed up my bags and we went to the hospital an hour later (eh, 8:30pmish).
I was in triage about 30 minutes when they admitted me into labor. The monitor showed I was having contractions every 1-2 minutes, but the baby's heart rate wasn't showing the changes they wanted. So, lots of fluids, popsicles, and lying on my side. After an hour, his heart rate started showing good variations- we were back in business. I had to have IV antibiotics for Group B strep, a normal bacteria that some women have, so they got that on board and then it was time to start walking the halls. It's an interesting thing to wear a hospital gown and have contractions in front of co-workers. I got back massages, advice and encouragement at the nurses' station- they also told me I was 3.5 cm and -2 station. (I was ticked at the -2 station. Come on now, Baby P.)
At 11:30, the midwife broke my water- most interesting feeling ever! Like peeing yourself, but you know you didn't. Suddenly I understood why the nurses were all saying I was smiling too much at the beginning- those contractions were nothing compared to these new ones. I took one more walk in the halls and then said, "Shoot, I'm done with that. It hurts." :) My favorite new spots were lying on my side (breathing and relaxing through contractions) and sitting on the birthing ball (rolling around on the ball during contractions and resting back on Josh between them).
Let me mention, Josh was fantastic! I was incredibly nervous that I would be a total witch during labor- I tend to get a little snappy and mean when I'm hurting. I was just hoping I wouldn't say anything that would damage our marriage forever. ;) However, with that foreknowledge, I must say I did pretty well! There was one time he was talking to my mom on the phone during a contraction and I commanded him (very strongly and several times) to put that phone down! I also had him changing the thermostat almost every minute. But he was great! Supportive, encouraging, loving. He stopped me when I started punching my thigh repeatedly during a contraction (it doesn't really make sense now- but hitting my thigh had seemed like an appropriate response to the pain at the time) and repeatedly offered his hand through every contraction. He grabbed the trash can when I started throwing up and massaged my back whenever I needed it. I have told him this repeatedly: I could not have done it without him (also, I would not have needed to do it without him! Ha.)
At some point in the night, the word 'medicine' started rolling around in my head. Josh and I had wanted to have a medication free birth (other than the necessary antibiotics), but we weren't set in stone as we had no idea what labor was like. We decided to have the nurse check my progress and decide afterwards. She said I was 6cm dilated. Not quite as much as I had hoped, but I really think I was just trying to overachieve (and also I wanted the pain to be done.) After a few more contractions, we decided to try the tub for pain relief. The warm water was heavenly at first. Minus the fact that I was nine months pregnant and a whale. Whales are not supposed to fit in tubs. It's depressing when you can't get all of you under water. You have to keep shifting and rotating and rolling so you don't get cold. Mostly, I just wanted the water to cover my belly- it felt the best that way.
After about 10 minutes in the tub, it wasn't working anymore. The contractions seemed stronger, longer, worse. Josh held the removable shower head so it was spraying water straight on my stomach, but all I could do was cry and pray, "Oh Lord, Oh Lord, Oh Lord" repeatedly. (Oh goodness, I'm going to cry now... this is bringing back quite the memories...) I called my labor nurse into the bathroom, sat up so my face was about a foot away from her's and said (in probably my most intense voice ever... poor Erin!) "Erin, I want pain medicine." She was very serious in return and told me she would get the midwife and then we'd get me some meds.
When the midwife came in, she watched 2 contractions in the tub. At this point, I had no idea what was going on with my body. Halfway through a contraction my entire body would start shaking. I was trying my best to relax (I had been practicing relaxation techniques for the previous 9 months) but would end up pushing with each contraction. The midwife decided to check my progress before allowing any medication: "Ericka, you're a 10. You're completely dilated and ready to go. We're going to get you into the bed and you're going to have this baby." Suddenly I understood why the contractions in the tub seemed so bad. They were! I had dilated 4 cm in 20 minutes. Intense. And no time for pain meds. I had made it.
After the next contraction, I climbed out of the tub, Josh and the midwife quick toweled me dry, and we tottered over to the bed. (I say tottered because it wasn't a walk and it wasn't a run. It was like a trot with the midwife holding one arm and Josh the other. I have no idea who had the IV pole with the antibiotics. I don't even know if it was still hooked to me or not.
I got in the bed and tried to prepare myself for the next hurdle: pushing out a baby. I had read in a book not to push as hard as possible- push how hard your body is telling you to. So, with the first push, I only pushed until I felt pain relief. I didn't think it was that great of an effort, but then the midwife said, "Oh, he's got a lot of hair!" And Josh said he saw the head too. And I thought, "Uh oh, you're not supposed to be seeing his head just yet." And with the second push, I got to reach down and feel my baby's head. It felt... wet. Warm. Soft. After this second push, they told me at some point I was going to feel a lot of pain... the dreaded 'ring of fire.' Even the name is enough to conjure fear in the heart of every woman of childbearing age. Shudder. I replied, "Yes, that is what I'm afraid of!" Push through it, they told me. So, with the third push and (I'm not going to lie) a bit of a yell, I pushed hard. And out came his head. And they told me, "One more, Ericka!" So, with another yell and my forth and final push, out came my son. The midwife had positioned Josh's hands, so he got to deliver our baby.
Suddenly, I had this incredibly warm, wet, soft little body lying on my chest. I heard Josh say, "He's beautiful, Ericka," but I was lost. A weird feeling of disconnect. There is a baby lying on my chest. I know he is mine. What am I supposed to do now? "Hi, buddy." I remember hearing Malachi cry- I remember Josh going to lie down when he got really pale and lightheaded- I remember people congratulating us- but besides how warm Malachi's body was, everything seemed very distant.
I know at some point, it will be difficult to recall the details, but for now, they are engraved in my mind. Malachi David Pattengale, born on his due date. October 28, 2011. At 4:04 am. Weighing 7lbs, 12 oz. Length 20 inches. A full head of dark hair. Perfect.
I will skip the details of the midwife sewing me back together. Needless to say, when you only push 9 minutes, there is no time for an episiotomy or stretching. There is time for nothing except catching the baby. So we had to do some repair work.
Then came snuggling with my son- a shared pride with my husband- exhaustion from a long night's work- pictures with my new family of three- the most delicious piece of toast I've ever eaten- my first unguarded moments alone with my son- a feeling of utter joy mixed with deep tiredness that completely filled my being. And the peace that comes with knowing you finished. You completed the task. You did well.
Of course, the work of being a parent? Well, it just started...
